University Professor: Stressed and Feeling Unloved by Her Parents

Why Angela Came to Therapy:

Angela, a lesbian, came to therapy because she felt stressed and hurt due to her family’s reaction to her sexual orientation.

On the one hand, they told her that they loved her. Yet, they also maintained religious and political views that threatened her rights as a lesbian.

And, it wasn’t only her parent’s attitudes about homosexuality that were painful for Angela.

In some ways, she had always felt unloved by her parents. Although they cared for her physical needs, they were emotionally unavailable. They rarely praised her or showed physical affection.

Angela’s parents pressured her to perform in school and in her occupation. Consequently, Angela suffered from feelings of low self-worth.

Angela never felt “good enough” for her parents or anyone despite being a well-recognized leader in her field.

The Outcome of Therapy with Angela:

It became clear in our first therapy session that Angela had struggled with depression for much of her life due to her low self-worth.

With my support and using the powerful Emotion-Focused Therapy method, Angela connected how she treated herself to feelings of low self-esteem and deep pain that she didn’t realize she had.

Once Angela became aware of these feelings, and how she generated them, we worked to transform her self-criticism. As a result, she developed an internal sense of acceptance and self-support and started to enjoy her life more.

Angela also began to accept her parent’s limitations. She acknowledged the pain from her childhood and her need for closeness and support that her parents couldn’t give her.

She came to see that her parents loved her as much as they were capable of doing.

Further, Angela came to terms with the fact that she could not change her parent’s religious views. She needed to love herself unconditionally and value those in her life who also loved her for who she was.

As therapy progressed, Angela’s depression lifted, and she began to feel lighter and more at ease in her life. She experienced a wider range of positive emotions more frequently.

When Angela left therapy, she was well on her way to living a more fulfilling life.